I have spent days and night visioning and dreaming of this moment. The excitement I felt knowing I was about to delve into a new segment of my life. However, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with anxiety and nervousness. The thought of being free left my mind feeling crippled and in a state of uncertainty. I knew this was something I needed to do. It was the right move. The move I had to make in order to achieve my destiny and sustain that which I have been blessed with. The action I was about to take was needed for significant growth and advancement in order to reach the next phase in our life.
I have been looking forward to August 8th, 2020 from May 2020 and the closer I got to the date the more anxious I felt. I didn’t know what it felt like anymore. I was so caught up in the world of parenting and ensuring my kids were the center of my life that I shifted away from that which I’ve been blessed with. Five years later and I am having butterfly feelings as if I am about to experience my first kiss.
The Night Before Guilt
I needed this but I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I was about to let them go. I felt as if I was deserting them. my heart started to ache. the butterfly feeling turned into anxiety and feelings of sadness. I started to have doubts, change of heart and a whole different perspective of “The Big Day”. I was no longer excited to spread my wings and fly. All that plagued my mind was being home and sticking to that routine I’m so familiar with. I have never been good at changes anyways...
The Big Day
As we ran around the house preparing everything for what i call "THE BIG DAY" the guilt lingered. I felt an extreme case of guilt and it had taken captive of my soul. My mind couldn’t escape the feeling of disappointment that I’m about to leave behind what is considered to be the joy in my life. My outside appearance was on point. I didn’t want to display that I’m an emotional wreck. I was fearful of being judged on how overbearing and ridiculous I was being. However, my heart was racing and my mind was very uneasy. But...here I am dropping the kids off at Grandma's house for "THE BIG DAY". So, despite all that tussle, "I DID IT!! WE did it!!" My husband and I went to an event together, kid free and it felt great. It was exhilarating and fun. For the first time in five years we were able to attend an event alone and enjoy each other. I am now looking forward to spending more alone time with my hubby. Although I struggled with letting go of our boys, I knew it was something we needed to do.
I believe to achieve a successful marriage we should function as a unite with one mind, body and soul. My husband is apart of me and I apart of him. As a mother of two boys it is imperative that I maintain a healthy marriage in order to effectively parent them in love and unity. It is important for our kids to see the connection we display through our love and affection towards each other so they can model the same behavior in their life.
When was your "Big day"? How do you keep the flame burning in your relationship or marriage? Do you remember the day you finally released your kids and focused on rekindling and developing your relationship with your significant other?